20 years later
by StarryCassandra
Summary: 20 years after the Titans, and Raven hasn't aged past 18. How will she deal with being an adult trapped in a teen's body? And where are the Titans now? T for language and possible romantic entanglement down the line.
1. Chapter 1

Raven was pissed. She was Not amused, furiously angry, Extremely and Absolutely Not Happy. 25 years ago, anybody with a half measure of common sense would have stayed as far away as possible from an angry Raven. Not anymore, though. Her days of blowing up her own birthday party out of anger were long behind her. She had control now. Hard won, bitterly fought for, but control. Mostly. When she was in moods like these however, she still wished she had out-of-control powers, so she would have a legitimate excuse to make irritating people _go away. _Being a mature half-demon was sorely overrated. Not that she looked her human age. She had quickly found that once she reached the age of 18 or so, her development slowed considerably, and she had barely aged physically in 20 years. Demon years were longer than human years, it seemed. Psychologically, it was a bit more complicated. She had all the human experience of her 38 years, but Raven was not human. Her half-demon side was still on the level of a young adult, and the dichotomy could get confusing. Sometimes she felt 40, sometimes 19. She looked 18, and that was how the world treated her, by her physical appearance. Hence the source of her Supreme Irritation. She was being hit on by a teenage boy. _Again._ Was she not allowed to take a quiet afternoon in an obscure corner of a library without being bothered? She needed these Sunday afternoons, or her stressful life would drown her. She would have to deal with the pest before her irritation got the best of her. Talking was required. Just because Raven had control over her powers didn't mean that she wasn't still a terrifying bitch when she wanted to be. She raised her eyes from her book to examine her would-be flirtation. He wasn't unattractive, as humans went. Blue eyes, strong chin and wavy blond hair. Cocky smile, confident eyes. He seemed the type who would never even be able to imagine a rejection from any girl. He'd probably never received one, Raven thought with an unamused mental snort. How best to deal with him? He was too confident to simply back down from coldness and sneering, and sharp sarcasm would probably not dissuade him either. She bit back a sigh. This would take longer than she wanted. The boy's smile had turned blinding and bordered on a smirk when he saw that she had looked up. His emotions screamed premature triumph mixed with sick, slimy lust.

"Hey, I'm Chad. What's your name, gorgeous? I'm digging the dye job, by the way. Purple hair isn't really my thing, but I'll make an exception for you. You're hot enough to pull it off, and you'd look even hotter on my arm. Wanna hang with me?"

Raven's eyebrow shot up. So, beyond cocky. Arrogant, misogynistic and rude. Her least favorite type, and the hardest to shake. This was going to be a pain in the ass. "No thank you. I make it a point not to hang out with rude little boys." Damage to his pride might be the route to getting rid of him. Poking holes in overblown egos was her specialty, after all. "I don't have the time or patience for this. Why don't you save us both the headache and leave me alone? "

His smile turned ugly. "What do you mean, Gorgeous? You don't need to worry, I'm not out of your league. Don't deny it, I know you want me." She heard the unspoken _'Every girl does.' _

" Let's examine the falsity of all of your statements. First of all, the purple hair has nothing to do with you or your preferences. I have no need to have my confidence in my looks boosted with your leering, and have places infinitely more important to be than on your arm like a fucking ornament. I do not want you. You are a stupid, arrogant and disgusting little boy. If anything, I am out of YOUR league."

The boy was slack jawed during the speech, but Raven saw the snarl overtake his face as realization dawned. She opened her Empathy just enough to read his emotions, and got a front row seat to the progression of disbelief -_ HE was being rejected! _To offense, to blinding fury -_ the bitch will pay. _They filled Raven with satisfaction.

"Listen here, you ugly bitch. I was doing you a favor. NOBODY talks to me like that, nobody, do you hear me? You are going to apologize to me, then come with me. I don't want to hear another word from you, bitch. You will speak when spoken to! And he grabbed Raven's arm. A rapist in the making. _Snap._ There wen't the handle on her anger. So much for control. Her hand came up and latched onto his wrist. He smirked, thinking she was scared and trying to throw him off. He couldn't have been more wrong. She was holding him in place so she could throw him through a wall. Her other hand started glowing with her dark energy, and her fist clenched...

A hand descended on the soon-to-be-dead boy's shoulder. An extremely large coffee colored hand. The hand was accompanied by an equally large and coffee-colored teenage boy, who was scowling menacingly.

"Did she mention that she was taken?" His voice was low and rumbly. Raven couldn't tell if he was doing it for the blond sicko's benefit, or if he was truly angry. If the blond hadn't gotten the message of unspoken menace from the black boy's facial expression, he sure got it from his furious voice. She read the blond's emotions shift from annoyance at the interruption, to fear when he got a look at the other boy's admittedly huge muscles, to pain when the hand on his shoulder tightened like a vice.

" Like I said, she's taken, dude. Why don't you get the hell out of here?" All said in a faux-polite tone, with the menace not so subtly underneath. Chad didn't stand a chance.

"Whatever, man. I didn't know that she was your girl." With one more venomous glare at Raven, he let go of her shoulder and slunk off. Her fist of dark energy loosened, and the other boy relaxed infinitesimally.

"Damn, Rae. What the hell did you get yourself into?" I leave for five minutes, and you have strange sickos hitting on you?"

Raven breathed a small laugh, relieved, though the feeling was quickly replaced by annoyance. "Seriously, Stone?_ She's taken? _That was the best you could come up with? And I could have taken care of the situation myself, you of all people should know that."

Stone rubbed his head, a sheepish grin on his face. " I wasn't worried about you, Rae. I was worried about him. I know that look on your face when he grabbed your arm. You were about to either toss him through a wall or he was going to find himself in a different dimension. I'm sort of leaning toward the wall option. More pain. And -" He held up a hand to stop her when her mouth opened for the required denials - " I didn't step in until he grabbed your arm. He needs to learn to keep his hands off of women before he turns into either a rapist or an abuser." His voice was unusually sober.

Raven chose to ignore Stone's uncanny voicing of her own thoughts, it wasn't a rare occurrence. "You didn't answer the first part of my question. She's taken? Really?"

Eli Stone's grin turned shit-eating. "What was I supposed to say, Rae? Get your hands off of my favorite Aunt? Yeah, that would have gone down well." And besides, you can't get mad at me for acting out of self-preservation. Do you know how dead I would be if I let a strange guy touch you? Mom would eviscerate me with her stingers, not to mention Dad." He shuddered. "He would take me apart for not protecting his little sister."

Raven's annoyance softened. He was right, Cyborg and Bee would be furious with him. She rolled her eyes. His insanely overprotective parents had given her nephew an almost pathological need to protect her. Unnecessary and irritating, but sweet. Protective instincts on overdrive weren't the only things he had inherited from his parents. Eli Stone was a living Cyborg. His body looked and felt human. He had a synthesis of skin, though it was far more durable than the real thing. His muscles and bones were metallic in nature, and his eyes looked human, but worked more like Cy's mechanical eye. And his brain. It was as fast as a computer, since it essentially was one. His brain operated purely on electrical power, replacing neurotransmitters with 1's and 0's. The only fully biological part of him was his heart, which was made of human tissue. At first, Cy and Bee had been terrified. What was their son? Was he human at all? Could he feel? Empathize? Raven still remembered those dark months, Bee lashing out at anything in her way, Cy torturing himself with guilt. They had a hard time being with their son. Raven had taken care of him then, and grown rather attached. It wasn't till Eli was a year old that they realized that he was ok. He grew like a human, experienced emotions like a human, though he was far more quick and intelligent. Maybe that was why they named her godmother, and Cy never felt like her was out of her debt. Eli, under her tuteledge, had quickly seen the benefits of his mechanical form. He could morph his hands into an approximation of his father's Sonic cannons, though he shot the same energy his mother used. He could manage his pain, to the point it was possible for him to re-grow his limbs. He had all the sensors his father had, though he didn't have to look at his arm to see them. He just had to go to the computer part of his brain to access the information he wanted. He had a photographic memory and the ability to alter his voice any way he liked. His favorite part was the flying. He still referred to the propulsion systems in his feet as 'Rocket Boots.' Raven's favorite part was the armor he could extend to cover the entirety of his body. He had developed it so that it looked like his father's mechanical body, and she was thankful of it for its protection of him. Some of the things he got into as a child... It almost gave her gray hair. She hadn't heard of another toddler who enjoyed taking joy rides in a jet. She had an undeniable soft spot for her godson. She had fallen in love with his grey eyes the moment she first held him, 17 years ago on the day he was born. He had grown so much since then, and she still missed the small child that used to curl up in her lap and fall asleep. That would never happen again. He towered over her 5 ft 2 inch height by a foot and a half. He had grown from the innocent little boy with the secret smile into a 6'8" mass of muscle, though the smile didn't change. He had only just passed his awkward phase, and Raven was seeing glimpses of the man he could one day become. She was inordinately proud of her godson, and was thankful to have watched him grow up.

"Yeah, I know. Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it, though." She snapped.

Eli, though he preferred to go by his last name, threw back his head and laughed at her peevish tone. "Come on, Rae. Lets get back to the Tower. You've had your afternoon in the library, and who knows what the rest of the Titans have destroyed without your grumpy leadership. Raven sighed again. Back to the stress of being the leader of the Titans.


	2. Chapter 2

20 years ago-

The Titans were splintering. Maybe it wasn't obvious to anyone but Raven, but she could see it happening, bit by bit, by moments of frustration and boredom and an overall sense of _Not this again. _The others were grow, maturing. Changing. It was only a matter of time before they outgrew what being a Titan offered them. Everyone but Raven. She was 18, and she had stopped growing, physically and psychologically. She wasn't sure how she knew, but the knowledge was there, like so many other things that her demon side forced on her. It was instinct, she supposed. 18 was her physical peak, and Demons were immortal. Hopefully she was human enough not to be.

She was sitting at the table, drinking her customary cup of Silver Needle white tea, lost in her musings. With a slightly more forceful exhale of breath, which her friends had dubbed the 'Raven Sigh,' she tilted her head back slightly and closed her eyes, the pensive look sliding off of her face. Contemplating the inevitable end of the Titans was not a subject that brought her peace; meditation would be required later to bring her back to center. Robin looked up sharply from his newspaper and toast at the near inaudible sound. Raven couldn't see his blue eyes, but she didn't have to. She could tell that they were narrowed in concern. A corner of her mouth quirked sadly. Robin's eyebrow shot up. A sigh, and now a smile? For Raven, that was practically a tantrum. He had been able to tell that something was bothering her for months now, but he knew Raven. If he was going to learn anything about her problem, it would have to come from her, and not any insight he had picked up from the bond. He could be patient, she would come to him. Eventually. He hoped. Maybe a gentle nudge was in order...?

"Anything you want to talk about, Raven?" He asked casually, as not to make her feel cornered. With one of her startlingly quick movements, she got up gracefully from her chair and glided to the kitchen, where she dumped out her almost full teacup, and proceeded to methodically wash it and put it away. The pensive look was back. With a soft crinkle, he put down his newspaper, and walked over to where she was standing by the sink and mountain of dirty dishes. Hesitantly, he put a hand on her hunched shoulder.

"Raven, you know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"

She hunched even deeper into her cloak at his words, folding into herself and her secrets. With visible reluctance, she turned her wide violet eyes on him. Whatever she was searching for in his face, she seemed to find, because without breaking eye contact, she slowly nodded.

"I suppose I can't keep anything from you, Robin. We are bonded, after all, and you know me better than anyone even without the bond." She sighed again, a real one this time. "You won't like what I'll tell you. Are you sure you want to know? It's idle speculation, and does not affect the immediate workings of the team."

He seemed to contemplate that for a moment, then turned from her searching eyes and started helping her do the dishes.

"Anything that's bothering you matters. It does affect the team, because it affects you, and you're a part of this team." He smiled. "And besides, any speculation going on in your head isn't idle. Tell me, Raven."

She set down the mug she was drying with a gentle clink on the counter, and turned to face Robin fully. Sensing the gravity of the situation, he stopped working and faced her. She was biting her lip, indecision in her intense eyes. She was so aggravatingly and endearingly secretive - any information she disclosed about herself had to be dragged out of her, piece by agonizing piece. He waited, and watched one side win the argument in her eyes.

"I think the Team is going to split might not be today or even tomorrow, but it's going to happen. "


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Hello out there, Cass here. Sorry for the delay, Calliope was being a pain in the ass. (My extremely fickle muse.) The next wait shouldn't be as long. Thanks so much to my reviewers, I really appreciate the feedback. I'm thinking of establishing a pattern in my timeline of alternating between present day and 20 years ago in my chapters, so if that causes any confusion please let me know. I write to be critiqued, so be my guest and flame me. I'd take it as a compliment, that I wrote something to inspire that much passion. _

_Disclaimer: (I suppose I should.) I do not own the Teen Titans. If I did, the characters would be more developed. _

Present Day

As soon as Raven and Stone reached the common room, Stone sucked in a huge breath, and Raven covered her ears, knowing what was coming next.

"We're home! Anything you don't want Raven to know about you better stop doing!"

There was an instant flurry of activity. Aquagirl and Felix dove off of the couch in a panic. Not that Raven hadn't caught them making out before; an uncomfortable experience that happened more often than she liked. Amira, or Shifter as she wanted to be called now, tried to hide the red paint liberally covering the wall behind her, as well as her light green hands. Tristan looked up from his cooking creation that was spattering the walls, his green eyes wide in his orange face as he realized that he hadn't had a chance to clean up the kitchen yet. Raven took a deep breath. This was no big deal, she had come back to worse messes before - _BOOM. _An explosion rocked the tower. Ok, now she was officially ticked. Falcon strolled into the room, casual as could be. A muscle in Raven's cheek twitched. In her softest voice, she asked:

"What the hell is going on here?"

Falcon grinned his most charming grin. "Relax, Raven. Minor explosion, no big deal. I was just trying to up the power in my explosive birdarangs. Nothing is permanently damaged..."

Raven, with steam coming out of her ears, surveyed her sheepish team.

There was Eli, codename Cynox. Her dependable godson, the team's heavy hitter. In a fight, she wanted him at her back. Not to mention he was possibly the most responsible 17 year old she had ever known, including herself at that age. (Cough Malchior cough cough...)

Next was Tristan. One of Starfire's many second cousins, he had heard about earth from the Queen of Tameran, and fallen in love. He had an obsession with anything earth-culture related, and was that... Banana cream pie spattering the walls? Raven wasn't sure how it was within the laws of physics, but whatever earth-dish he was trying to cook invariably ended up covering every surface in the kitchen. He was fairly new to the team, having joined at 16, when Star finally let him come. Raven still wasn't sure about him as a hero. When he was focused, she could see the potential. When he was distracted, the mistakes were colossal. He had a better grasp on english than Star had, and had taken the basis of her clothing and worked it into his own appearance, wearing purple and silver pants and boots, and a shirt only when he felt like it. None of the females in the Tower minded. He was the other power house of the team, and his muscle tone showed it.

Amira was the youngest member of the team. It was still so difficult to remember to call the 12 year old Shifter when in public. She had, much to Garfield's chagrin, turned down the moniker Beastgirl. When her father had forced the issue, her mother, an Egyptian professor of mathematics that Raven quite liked, had put her foot down. Garfield had subsided. (Though he wouldn't admit it, he was quite terrified of his wife.) Shifter was the only one out of her 3 younger brothers to have inherited BB's powers and skin tone. They all had the green hair and eyes and thinness, though the 3 boys had skin that was only slightly more olive than normal. Amira was undeniably green, though not in quite the dark shade of her father. Her personality was polar opposite. Genius, uptight and dry-humored, Raven sometimes wondered how she and BB were even related.

Aquagirl was the was the ditz of the team. She was 16, and one of Aqualad's best students. She didn't have the natural affinity for water that he did, but her tattoos and water-bearers more than made up for it. She was undeniably beautiful, all tall slenderness and pale skin and long black hair. The only unsettling and Atlantian thing about her were the unnaturally pale blue eyes. She was also boy crazy, and her infatuation with Felix often drove Raven to distraction.

Felix was her wildcard. She often referred to him as Loki in her head, because the son of Jinx and KF often reminded her of the archetypal Trickster. Wily, too smart for his own good, a fabulous liar and extremely charming, he showed a little too much sauntering indifference towards the darker side of super powers for Raven's paranoid nature. He had inherited his mother's power, with a twist. He could choose the kind of luck he used - good or bad. Thin as a whip, wild gravity-defying hair in a riotous mix of violent red and pink, and green eyes from his father, with the slit pupil and feline shape from Jinx. He had rejected the classic superhero costume in favor of a black Nirvana T-shirt, dark jeans and a black trench coat with too many hidden pockets to count. Somehow the mix was quite aesthetically pleasing, with the rogue's smile to back it up. It was no wonder that poor Cadence was smitten.

Falcon, the last member of the team, was the most difficult to pin down. He had inherited his father's lithe body and grace, skill with weapons, talent for martial arts and obsession with secret identity. Raven was the only one on the team who knew his true name was Aidenn Grayson, son of Dick Grayson. He had continued the bird theme, though that was where the similarities in costume ended. He wore a black bodysuit with green arm guards that had 3 hooks stylized as feathers extending from his wrists. His boots were the same dark green, as was the inside of his floor-sweeping cloak. His mask extended in a point over the bridge of his nose, with two points extending under his eyes as well. His hair was as black as his costume, though Raven was the only on who knew that his eyes were forest green. He was as intense as his father, and they had a rivalry going, that had started when Aidenn was only 14. He was now almost 19, and his desire to beat his father hadn't waned at all. He was also almost painfully reckless, bordering on suicidal: The only reason he wasn't now the leader of this team.

Six teenagers, and Raven was in charge of all of them. They were good kids, but too often Raven came home to a situation like this one.

"Helloooo, anyone in there?"

Raven was snapped out of her reverie by the cautious, albeit sarcastic question from Felix. She got her anger under control with a sigh, and addressed her nervous team.

"Felix, Cadence, please keep the physical aspect of your relationship confined to your bedrooms. I think my empathy, Amira's nose and Stone's sensors can do without rampant teenage hormones, thanks. I really don't want to have to remind you again. You know that I don't want to get involved in your personal lives, but my tongue might slip about the nature of your relationship to Jinx or Aqualad..."

Felix flinched and Cadence flushed, and Raven grinned mentally in satisfaction. Maybe the threat of exposing their sex lives to their guardians, in Felix's case his mother, would be enough to curb the PDA. Jinx would absolutely skin her son alive if he got Aqualad's protege pregnant, and maybe Raven could enter the Tower without getting hit in the face with the emotions of horny teenagers. The teens in question looked at each other, and Raven could feel the lust in the room rising again, along with a stir of interest from her demon side, so she dismissed them with a tired wave. They slunk off, most likely to Felix's room to finish what they had started. Raven turned to Amira, and looked at the mess of red paint that was covering the walls. She simply raised an eyebrow in question, and Amira launched into an explanation without a hint of remorse.

"I was testing the viability of different shades of paint, to see which one most closely matched the appearance of blood. My experiment was almost finished, and I would have cleaned it up. I know you said to keep my experiments confined to my lab, but I need to perform the tests on the walls of the common area. You never know when we might have to fake our own death's to fool an enemy, and I thought blood would be a good touch." This was all said with the calm assurance of a scientist, but when Raven's eyebrow merely inched higher, Shifter deflated, and the 12 year old girl that she was reappeared. "... I'll clean it up right now." And she left the room in search of cleaning supplies.

Raven nodded in satisfaction. Amira could always be counted on to be reasonable, unless she was in the midst of a scientific experiment and lost in her formidable mind. Raven wouldn't have believed that she was Beastboy's daughter at all, except for the green skin and devious practical jokes she occasionally pulled.

Turning to Tristan, Raven opened her mouth to reprimand him about the banana cream spattering the walls, but he shot her a beaming smile so bright, Raven gave up before she even started. She was weak against his happy brilliance, and couldn't bear to dim his smile with reprimands. It helped that he was wearing an apron that barely covered his shirtless chest... Her inner demon wanted to mark the juncture between his corded neck and broad shoulders with bite marks. Raven shut that thought down immediately, and sent a brief jolt of anger towards her demoness, who hissed her displeasure and subsided. Unsettling. The demoness had been more active and restless lately, and she had no idea why. She had grown, from the random and indiscriminate instinct that urged Raven to do out-of-character things, into a collection of base instincts and primal feelings that made up an almost entirely separate personality. The demoness made her presence known with the occasional inappropriate desire to suck on the 16 year old's neck, though she wasn't picky; Falcon's neck was equally as attractive. Stone wasn't biological enough for her and Felix made her anxious, which was fine with Raven. It was bad enough that her demon side was attracted to teenage boys. Teenagers were closer to the demonesses own age, but the lust made Raven feel faintly dirty, with her 40 years of human life. The only saving grace was that she had perfected the art of the emotionless mask, which came in handy for hiding the inconvenient attraction; and kept the ability to mask her emotions sharp, since she didn't need it to control her powers as much anymore. With the demoness fully under control again, Raven turned to Tristan and said:

"I'll help clean up when you're done."

Tristan looked around the kitchen, his mouth forming a shocked and completely adorable O, as if he had just noticed the mess.

"Sorry Raven! I will be sure to return the kitchen to its former cleanliness, but" He coughed awkwardly, running a hand through his shoulder length red hair. "The help would be nice. I'm not sure of the best way to get banana off of the walls..."

Raven just nodded, and Tristan went happily back to his culinary disaster. 4 down, 1 to go... She turned to Falcon. He would be the hardest to deal with.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello, and apologies. Real Life can be a bitch. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you think in a review! _

20 years ago

Her predictions were coming true. The team was splintering. First Starfire, which was a shock considering how adamant the alien girl had been about keeping the team together. Her inner struggle was clear to Raven, if not everyone else. Which was her priority? Tameran or the Titans? Galfore was sick, and her people needed a strong ruler. In the end, Tameran won. Her people needed her, and she would be what they needed. Raven watched as Star grew more and more withdrawn, trying to conceal the truth of her decisions from her teammates. Raven knew her too well, and one evening of the 'Girl Time,' she managed to drag it out of Star. They were sitting in Raven's dark bedroom, with the curtains open for some natural light so they could see well enough to perform all of the girly rituals that Star was so fond of. Raven was hovering slightly above her bed, her nails already painted a dark purple. Star was sitting in the center of her bed, humming and painting her toenails. Raven broke the tension that had been lingering for weeks and asked the question that had been hovering in her mind.

"When do you leave?"

Star looked up from her sparkly pink toenails, shock hastily concealed by wide eyes and innocence.

"Whatever do you mean, Friend Raven? To what leaving are you referring?"

Raven smiled sadly. "Star, you are my best girlfriend. I can always tell when something is bothering you." She tapped the side of her head, reminding Star of her empathy. "And anyways, I know you well enough even without my powers, to know that you have something heavy on your mind. Narrowing the issue down to something serious enough for you to not tell me or Robin, I can only think of two things that important. The Titans, or Tameran. Since there are no Titan issues as far as I am aware, the problem must be on Tameran. So, when do you leave?"

Starfire put her nail polish down slowly. " I guess it was futile to try to conceal it from you, Friend Raven. You are correct, there is trouble on Tameran. I am having a hard time dealing with it. Galfore is sick. They might need me to return and take my place on the throne. Raven..." A sob caught in Star's throat. " I might have to leave the Titans!" And the dam burst. With a gigantic sob, Star threw herself at Raven and broke down.

Raven's first reaction was relief. All this emotion that Star had held back had forced her to work overtime on her mental shields, attempting to block her empathy. Her second reaction was sadness. It was difficult to see the normally bright girl so distressed. She unbent her personal boundaries enough to rub Star's red hair, murmuring soft words of comfort. Star was so distressed, it could only mean that she was planning on leaving the Titans. The glue was leaving. Once she was gone, how long could the Titans hold together? She guessed not long.

"Friend Raven, I ask that you do not tell Boyfriend Robin."

Raven looked down at Star, her hands falling away from where they had been stroking Star's hair. "What?"

"He would ask me not to go, and this is already so difficult for me. If her asked me to stay, I do not know how I would resist."

"He's not going to react well to no goodbye, Star. What should I say to him?"

"Nothing, Friend Raven. I shall write them all letters of farewell."

_2 weeks later ~_

"What the hell!"

Raven awoke to the dulcet tones of Robin's shriek. Oh, no. A reaction like that could only mean one thing - Starfire was gone. The girls had discussed the best way for her to leave a few nights ago, and Star must have put the plan into action. Jumping out of bed, Raven did something she never did if she could help it, and left her room in her purple silk camisole and shorts set. A Robin tantrum of this magnitude demanded an immediate response. Raven took a deep breath and teleported into the firing squad. When she re-materialized in the common room, the scene was exactly as she had expected. Robin was pacing furiously in front of the television, Cy was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with the heavy scowl he wore alternately directed at the piece of paper in his metallic hands and at the nearly manic Boy Wonder. BB was sitting on the couch, looking shell shocked, glancing at he pink envelope sitting in front of him on the coffee table. Raven's feet hit the ground with a barely perceptible puff of air, but it was enough of an alert of her presence. Her teammates whirled on her. Raven couldn't see his eyes, but she knew that Robin was scrutinizing her person in search of a frilly pink envelope. His emotions were a seething mass of anger, hurt, confusion and suspicion. Raven winced, and felt for the bond between them in her mind. There it was - it felt like an electrical wire, attached to a part of her so deep in her psyche, that removing it would irreparably damage them both. Getting rid of it was an impossibility, but she could... There. She could tie knots in it to temporarily short-circuit it, and block the flow of emotions and thought. Robin felt what she was doing, and his head whipped around, his masked eyes narrowing on her. She tipped her head slightly, acknowledging his ire, but warning him to keep his emotions to himself. When he didn't look away, she sent a wince that his emotions had caused her sizzling through their bond, letting him know what he was doing to her. He frowned, but still didn't break his glare. His anger had almost doubled - Raven didn't have a good-bye letter from Star, which must mean that Star had said goodbye in person... Even with the partially blocked bond, Raven could almost see the cogs in Robin's convoluted detective brain reach that conclusion. She bit back a sigh. This was going to be more difficult than she and Star had anticipated.

Vic was the first to break the silence, and in true brother form, he gave Raven the benefit of the doubt. "Raven, did you get an envelope from Starfire?"

As evenly as she could, Raven looked him directly in the eye. She had done the right thing. "No."

"Did you know that she left for Tameran?" Beast Boy was the next to speak, his voice unusually sober.

Raven transferred her even gaze to him. "Yes, Beast Boy." She said, a bit more gently.

Robin expoloded. "YOU KNEW, AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?"

Raven winced, and added a few more knots to the bond in the interest of preserving her sanity. She had never felt so much emotion from Robin before. He reached for something familiar, and attacked Raven in full-blown interrogation mode.

"When did she tell you she was leaving? When did you plan for her disappearance? And why the hell didn't you tell anybody?"

Raven felt her own anger rise. How dare he interrogate her like a criminal? "Robin, we planned this a few nights ago, when I finally guessed what was on her mind. And I didn't tell you because of THIS!" She gestured at him, his anger. "I knew that you would react like this and I didn't want to make this any harder on Star than it already was! This wasn't easy for her, and you would only have made it more difficult. You have no right to be angry with me; or Star for that matter! She explained the situation, didn't she?"

Robin paced away. "Yes! She chose to be a queen and abandon her responsibilities as a hero. Irresponsible.."

Raven cut him off, furious. "No! She took responsibility! She is beholden to her people before this city. There are people to fill her shoes here, but nobody can do her job on Tameran."

"SHE LEFT ME!" Robin's bellow was filled with pain, so much that Raven was brought up short. So that was the real reason that he was so angry... She should have known. A small, selfish part of Raven's heart sank. "She broke up with you?" She asked Robin quietly. Her abrupt change in tone crumbled the last of Robin's bravado. He slumped and walked out of the room, closing the doors gently behind him. That was a bad sign. It would have been better if he had slammed them. Silence settled on the rest of the Titans.

Again, it was Vic who broke it. "Rae, could you please explain what exactly is going on? Star told us that she was needed on Tameran, and that she couldn't bear to say goodbye. She says she loves us, and will always think of us as family. Rae, does that mean what I think it means? Is she really never coming back?" Cy's voice broke slightly on the last part.

Damn Starfire for putting her in this position! She didn't want to be the messenger with the bull's eye on her back - the perfect misplaced target for the anger of the boys. She didn't want to be the bearer of bad news yet again! But, how could Raven deny Star anything? She was her best girl friend, the one she came to when she had a problem she wanted to talk about. Star loved her unconditionally from the very beginning, and had always done her best to make Raven feel loved and accepted. This was probably the last thing Raven could ever do for Star. Vic was right, Star was never coming back. At first Raven had tried to argue, reasoning that she could come back to visit, could take a vacation or two, could split time between the Titans and Tameran. Star had listened to her arguments patiently, as if she had already heard them, and Raven realized that she would not be able to change her mind. Starfire threw herself whole-heartedly into everything she did. She didn't know how to give anything less than her whole self, and trying to have two equal responsibilities would be impossible for her. She loved her home planet, and would want to be the best ruler possible. The Titans would be a huge distraction. She would pine after Robin, after the relatively free life of a super hero, after her friends. She had to choose, then make a clean break and stick with her choice. Raven understood, but it didn't mean that she liked it. She would miss Star more than she could ever express, for fear of blowing up the city.

It seemed as though Raven's silence had spoken for itself. Cyborg turned away, sadness in his face as he accepted the fact that the team was down a member permanently.

Hesitantly, Raven opened the door to the roof. The bond told her that Robin was here, though she probably would have known that anyways. When in doubt or pain, Robin invariably sought high places. And Raven had only known one time when he had been in more pain. She walked up behind him, not saying anything until he was ready to talk. He was standing stiff, facing the sunrise, tension trembling in every line of his taut body. When he realized that Raven was going to make him talk first, he slumped and sat on the edge of the roof, his legs dangling in space and his head in his hands, fingers viscously dragging through his dark hair, messing up the meticulous spikes. His voice, when he spoke, was quiet and agonized.

"Sorry for going off on you, Raven. You didn't deserve that."

Raven sat next to him, her legs crossed. With a sigh, she leaned back on her hands and tilted her face towards the sunrise, letting the gentle light play over her pale features. She didn't bother to respond to the apology and remained quiet.

Dick laughed harshly. "You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?"

With that, Raven turned and looked at him, and her heart twisted. His mask was off, his electric blue eyes turned on her, just like she always wished they would be, though in her fantasy, his eyes were full of love, not pain. With an almost inaudible hiss of pain, she turned away. She had to be strong for him right now, had to be his best friend that understood him better than he himself did. Her feelings had no place here. Still looking at the sky, she asked; "Want to tell me what that was all about?"

He grunted. "Can't you just... You know." He waved his hand between their heads. Raven knew what he was asking. He wanted her to open the still mostly shut down bond and read his emotions and mind. "No, Richard. That would be cheating."

He laughed without humor. "You really aren't going to make this easy on me, are you." It wasn't a question, so she didn't answer. After a pause, he started talking again. "I really loved Star, you know that. And she just left, without a goodbye. It reminded me of... Of..." He broke off with a pained noise and gripped his hair, tugging with disturbing force. "Aw, hell. Raven. Please don't make me say it."

All of a sudden, things clicked and Raven understood. His parents. Some of the pain that he was broadcasting was about Star, but most of it was old pain that her leaving had dragged up. Raven cautiously opened her empathy and examined his pain. She couldn't help but flinch when it hit her. Waves of rusty red agony that were buried in his soul, still there so many years later. Fresh crimson splashes, from Starfire. And running through the core of it, strands of black and purple twisted together - Revenge and guilt ran through the pain. Rave shut down her empathy with a gasp, and collapsed against his side, panting furiously. How had he hid this from her? True, she tried to stay as on the periphery of his mind as she could get, in an attempt to respect his privacy. She'd had no idea that the pain ran this deep. How the hell could she have missed this? It pervaded his being, guilt twisted with a thirst for vengeance, and surrounded by pain pain pain... With a start, she felt his fingers against her face, and his voice filtered through the residual emotion.

"Raven? Are you alright? What happened?"

She jerked herself away from him, her treacherous emotions almost getting away from her and accomplishing the goal of throwing her arms around him. She decided to get angry instead. "God damn it, Dick. Why didn't you tell me?"

He knew what she meant, and didn't shame them both by lying or evading. "Because I don't think about it, Rae. I can't think about it, or I wouldn't be able to function. Bruce taught me how to harness it, let it become my motivation and my fuel, and that has worked for me for years. Please Raven, please don't ask anymore."

Raven agreed, then left quietly, teleporting directly to her room. What else could she do? He was hurting right now, and her interference would only make things worse, though she ached to make them better. At that thought, several books encased in dark power tore themselves to shreds, responding to her wildly fluctuating emotions. Denial was no longer an option. Raven had to face her feelings, or risk destroying the city.

She cared about Robin, more than she had ever let herself admit, as more than a friend. Was it love? There was no good answer to that question. She admired him, his ability to hope and fight even the most powerful darkness. She needed him, needed him to help her not drown in her own darkness. As much as she hated to admit it, he had become her knight in shining armor. He had become the closest person in the world to her, the one who would go to the depths of hell with his mortal enemy just to find her. She even liked him, which was saying a lot for her. She liked spending time in his company, liked drinking a cup of tea late at night, staying up with him while he obsessed over Slade. Was that love? Raven wasn't sure. She didn't have any particular desire to stick her tongue down his throat, could not locate the emotion that the humans called "Lust." All that Raven knew was that her feelings were incredibly complicated towards the Boy Blunder, and ignoring them wasn't helping anything.


End file.
